I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
