My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
