He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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