Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
