my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
