Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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