Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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