Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
