Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
