his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize