she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
