I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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