I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
