I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
