Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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