Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
