a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
