You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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