I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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