Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
