ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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