I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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