It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
