My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
