i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
