So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
