Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
