you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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