a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize