He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
