I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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