Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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