is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
