And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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