So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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