belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
