Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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