Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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