is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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