I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
