Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
