im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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