Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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