I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
