everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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