I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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