it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
