she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
