Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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