You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
