Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
