She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
