I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize