Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize