Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
