This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
