My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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