I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
