not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
