I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
