I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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