We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
