Life is so much better after having sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
