Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
