Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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