i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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