Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
3pm strippers are depressing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize