he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
