how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
