see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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