shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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