He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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