the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
