I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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