my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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