I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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