Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
be right there i have to get my cape
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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