were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
