soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
