seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
