i think i have herpe
just one?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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