She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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