I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
