i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
