So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
