is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
