Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
