Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
