I'm so fucking centered right now
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize