OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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