There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
