Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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