I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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