you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
