I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
