she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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