'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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