i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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