Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
