I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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