were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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