pop tarts are not kleenex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
