there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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