So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
