It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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