i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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