Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize