I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
