I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
